Clowns are freaking terrifying.

Allow me to give you all of the information you need to make my life a living hell. I’m not scared of many thing. The dark? No problem. Monsters? Don’t believe in them. Heights? Whatever, throw me on the biggest roller coaster.

What I am scared of? Spiders. Hate them. Any kind. Even the little tiny ones. Enclosed spaces.  Put me in the middle seat on an airplane and I might have a panic attack. And clowns. I freaking hate clowns. All clowns. Every clown. Clowns are terrifying.

There are clowns who are meant to be terrifying, like Pennywise from It. Job well done, Mr. King.

There are the clowns who are meant to entertain. Sorry, Bozo. I still hate you. 

I love Disney and Pixar, so I’m betting you think that Chuckles is OK. You’d be wrong. 

Porcelain dolls are pretty darn creepy, too. Combine a porcelain doll with a clown? Are you kidding me? 

And the not-so-innocent Jack-In-The-Box. Who decided it would be a great idea to create a toy whose sole purpose was to startle children, anyway? 

Krusty can claim the honor of being the only clown I know of who doesn’t freak me out. Although The Simpsons does get credit for introducing the term “can’t sleep, clown will eat me” to my nightmares.

Halloween is coming up. If you want candy I’ve got you covered. Just don’t show up in a clown costume, OK? I won’t open the door.